Why do I have to wait always? Should I ?

I feel a lot of emotions inside me ... It's so hard to put it in the words ...
Near every day I ask myself:
- Why do I like him so much ?
- What am I doing ? I exactly know that this relationship doesn't have any feature ...
- I don't love him, he doesn't love me either. Do I ?
- If so ... Why do I have so strange fillings when his arm is near my arm ... when I look on his eyes ... when I hear his voice ....
This is not a question of sexual orientation. I am gay and it is out of discussion...
My biggest problem is that I always fall in love with a wrong guys.

But still, I would like to fell his arm near my head ...

Tomorrow I will wake up in the morning to go for work. I will sit down on my desk. I will look on my co-workers and I will find no understanding in theirs eyes. It is so sad... It makes me fell bad ...